I Need You

Before I met You, You knew me.
As I suffered, You wept for me.
Just outside of reach, waiting for me to catch Your eye, You waited.
You knew that if You tried to reach me before I was ready that I would turn away from You.
I would have shunned and mocked Your attempts to save me.

Yet You remained patient and vigilant as I sailed through murky waters,
Self assured and insistent upon doing all things my way
because the ways of others had only lead me to pain and heartache.
Though my arms grew tired, my heart grew weak, and my spirit drowned in anxious sorrow,
I insisted on pushing forward.

Before I knew You, I had heard of You.
I rolled my eyes at the zealots. I denied Your involvement in my life.
I doubted Your very existence.
How could You love me and let those horrible things happen?
How could You?

Finally the day came when I challenged You to show me who You are…
And You rejoiced.
After all of these years, after all the struggles and after all the tears,
You could finally show me just how much You love me.
Suddenly I felt different.
My eyes were opened to You and they would never close again.

Suddenly the future was uncertain… in a good way.
Months went by and I learned more about You.
Years went by and I looked back and wondered how I never noticed You.
Time goes by and I wonder at how much I love You.

You who gave me strength when I should have been broken.

You whose eyes were upon me each time I tried to end it all.

You who made a path using my loved ones as unknowing guides in the darkness.

You who found ways to echo Your name in the back of my mind.

And as I strayed
As I wandered off toward false hope and feigned happiness
My soul yearning for the food that only You can provide,
You waited.

Because I am worth it.  Because You made me.

In all my stubbornness, my oddities, my rebelliousness, and regardless of my fight against You..

To You I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

To You I am Your child.

The harder I fight against You the more gracious You are.
You are my God and because of You I am redeemed.
For You it’s worth it…  and to You I am worth it.

Forever and always.  I need You.