the heart shaped box

I was having trouble giving You these things.

I would come and say to You
that I have many things and that I should give them to You
because You can take much better care of them than I can.
But these things are very dear to me.
I really want to keep these things.
I have offered them to You many times before, and some of them I would hand over,
but some would stay wrapped around my finger without my intention
and without my realizing that I was withholding them.
And other times, without my noticing, I have stolen back the things that I had given You before.
These things are very important to me.
Yet I know that they would be much better in Your hands.
For I have realized over time that when I cling to these things that are so important to me,
fear and anxiety overwhelm me.
I worry so intensely about losing or breaking these things.
My grip is either so tight that I might suffocate them, or so loose that I might drop them.
I can not be trusted with these things.
Yet these things mean so much to me.
I love these things.
I love them more than I should.
I love these things even though they can’t love me back.
But I must give You these things.
You are the only one who I can love that will never leave.
You are the only one who can see which of these things I do not need.
You are the only one who I can trust with my greatest joy.
While I hold on to these things they block my view.
While I hold on to these things, I can’t see You.
While I hold on to these things, I keep You from caring for them in a way that I never could.
While I hold onto these things I forget about Your love.
So I have found a way to give to You all of these things without leaving any behind.
I have taken these things: my hopes, my fears, my love, my future, my anxiety, my life, my joy, my heart.
And I have placed them securely in a heart shaped box.
Gently I laid them and made sure to leave nothing out.
I wept as I sealed each corner of the box.
Though I know how wonderful You are, there is still a part of me that is afraid of losing these things.
I set the box before you with my knees on the ground, my head bowed low, and my arms raised above.
Please God.  Take my life.  Let Your will be done.

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