the heart shaped box

I was having trouble giving You these things.

I would come and say to You
that I have many things and that I should give them to You
because You can take much better care of them than I can.
But these things are very dear to me.
I really want to keep these things.
I have offered them to You many times before, and some of them I would hand over,
but some would stay wrapped around my finger without my intention
and without my realizing that I was withholding them.
And other times, without my noticing, I have stolen back the things that I had given You before.
These things are very important to me.
Yet I know that they would be much better in Your hands.
For I have realized over time that when I cling to these things that are so important to me,
fear and anxiety overwhelm me.
I worry so intensely about losing or breaking these things.
My grip is either so tight that I might suffocate them, or so loose that I might drop them.
I can not be trusted with these things.
Yet these things mean so much to me.
I love these things.
I love them more than I should.
I love these things even though they can’t love me back.
But I must give You these things.
You are the only one who I can love that will never leave.
You are the only one who can see which of these things I do not need.
You are the only one who I can trust with my greatest joy.
While I hold on to these things they block my view.
While I hold on to these things, I can’t see You.
While I hold on to these things, I keep You from caring for them in a way that I never could.
While I hold onto these things I forget about Your love.
So I have found a way to give to You all of these things without leaving any behind.
I have taken these things: my hopes, my fears, my love, my future, my anxiety, my life, my joy, my heart.
And I have placed them securely in a heart shaped box.
Gently I laid them and made sure to leave nothing out.
I wept as I sealed each corner of the box.
Though I know how wonderful You are, there is still a part of me that is afraid of losing these things.
I set the box before you with my knees on the ground, my head bowed low, and my arms raised above.
Please God.  Take my life.  Let Your will be done.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s