The “Talk”

It’s that moment when you realize that your baby boy is no longer a baby boy. When the magic seems to slowly begin to drift away… When you have “The Talk.”

Well… Not THAT talk..

Come on, he’s only ten!

No, I’m talking about the “is Santa real” talk!

So I’ve been wondering lately whether or not he still believes, mainly because he’s 10 and I stopped believing when I was about 8… After my mom said, “Go to bed so I can wrap your presents.” And it clicked in my child brain…

The other night as we were getting ready for bed, I couldn’t help but ask.

“Do you still believe in Santa?”

Ethan: “…do you?”
Me: “I asked you first.”
E: “But I want to know if you believe…”
Me: “…never mind.”
E: “Nooo tell me!”
Me: “I don’t want my answer to sway yours. Do you believe in Santa? Have you ever wondered if he wasn’t real?”

E: “Well… I do think its impossible for someone to live forever… And I don’t think he could get around to everyone’s houses in one night…”

Me: “If it’s not him, who do you think does it?”

E: “…I don’t know… Jesus?”


Me: “hmm nah.. I don’t think that Jesus is into the delivery thing.”
E: “but he delivers us from evil!” He says with a laugh.
Me: “haha True but I don’t think he’s Santa.”
E: “Then who is?”

Me: “Do you really want to know?”

E: “Yes.”

And I watched him for a second, him with his big brown eyes so intent on learning the truth. So curious as to why he never knew it before and whether or not this lovable saint ever really existed… I contemplated keeping the truth to myself. Maybe for just another year? But it was too late now. He had already suspected and I had already opened the door.

Me: “I believe at one time Santa did exist. We carry on this tradition every year because… It’s fun!”

And I went on to explain the different stories of the origin of Santa and how he can decide which one he wants to believe in, or he can believe in all of them if he wants to. “It doesn’t really matter as long as you remember that Christmas isn’t about Santa, it’s about the birth of our Savior.” But we both agreed that we love everything about Santa and all of the magical parts of Christmas and for that reason we’re going to continue our traditions.

We’re still going to bake cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, we’re still going to watch Santa on the Santa Tracker, we’re still going to listen for reindeer bells jingling on the roof…

E: “So who leaves the presents??”
Me: “I do.. Because I love you!”

At that point he smiled pretty sweetly. I can only imagine he was feeling pretty loved. Then I told him… Now that he’s privy to this secret, he’s now become one of “Santa’s Helpers” and it’s his job to create the magic for his baby brother (his dad’s baby, not mine!).

He went to bed feeling pretty grown up, while I must admit I was feeling kind of sad… He is getting older… Hopefully the magic wont disappear altogether.

I don’t really see how it could.


Thank You

Yep yep.. it’s a cliche Thanksgiving post.

Don’t stop reading yet, though! It might actually be good!

Maybe.. I mean.. I’m not making any promises. You’ll have to decide for yourself.

There’s a lot of reasons why I shouldn’t like Thanksgiving.

For one thing, on my fathers side, I’m of Native American descent.  A lot of people see Thanksgiving as a slap in the face to Natives. Here let’s celebrate a day when, after the Indians had taught the settlers how to survive here in their land, the pilgrims shared a meal with them… and then eventually stole their land and brought on eventual genocide.  In fact, some Natives don’t even like being called “Native American” because it implies that they are natives of “America”..when this, in their eyes, was never “America” to begin with.  Some prefer to be called “Indian”, because it’s easier, I think.  Even though they’re not “Indian” either. And of course, you could always just call us by our names…

Aside from that, I’m vegan!
Why would I want to celebrate a day that we Americans refer to as “Turkey Day!” ? HOW would I celebrate without TURKEY?!

Well, let me just tell you.  I love Thanksgiving. No, I don’t eat Turkey on Thanksgiving. No, I don’t particularly enjoy the misrepresentation of Native people.  But that’s not what I celebrate on Thanksgiving.

It’s called THANKS… GIVING… Giving thanks.. Appreciating everything we have.  There is a stellar article, written by Jacqueline Keeler of the Dineh Nation, that really hits the nail on the head.  I won’t repeat it, so you can read it HERE.

Maybe later we’ll talk more on the native stuff.

As for the vegan in me, well I find Thanksgiving is a wonderful opportunity to share some really AMAZING vegan recipes with my family… like the pumpkin pie I made that my brother, who is a non-vegan pumpkin pie loving fool, says is the BEST pumpkin pie he’s ever tasted. 🙂

But I really didn’t want to go on about that stuff in this blog.. I wanted to talk about how hard it is sometimes to be thankful. 

Life is hard.

No matter where you are in your life, I am pretty certain that you’re struggling in one way or another.

Sometimes it seems like a never ending battle.. You accomplish one thing, but your struggling somewhere else… and you think “When?! WHEN will I have it all together?! WHEN will life slow down and get.. easier?  Why can’t I catch a break?”

For me, that’s like.. almost every day. hah!

But then I have to remember… it has gotten easier… I have seen worse days… there are people who are struggling so. much. more. than I am.

Should I be thankful for that?  How can we be thankful that our lives are better or easier than someone elses?  That seems so.. selfish.

But then, what if things aren’t better? What if right now is the worst time of your life? You’ve reached an all new low?  You’re sick.. you’re angry… you’re desperate… How the hell are you supposed to be thankful for that?

How are you supposed to be thankful when you have no food to put on the table? No warmth. No friends. No family. No job. What is there to be thankful for?

I posted an excerpt a few months back from one of my favorite books that I’m going to reference here again.. because it’s amazing.  Whenever I start to get really frustrated with my life.. I think about the things that this woman wrote.  The things that this woman experienced.  And the beautiful and amazing thing is that she never lost faith… Betsie ten Boom, I mean.  Corrie’s waivered, I believe… but her sister, Betsie… she kept the light on for her. If you didn’t catch that excerpt, take a moment to read it HEEERE…

The fact that.. in the middle of a concentration camp.. after losing your family and being in mortal danger every single moment.. these women still found things to be thankful for.. Well, it really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?

And so I’m overwhelmed.. I look past my shortcomings and what I’m missing.. where I am in life and where I wish I was… and I smile.  Because I’m thankful.

thank you.

God bless you.

And have an awesome Thanksgiving 🙂



If you’re like me, you don’t like to waste things. Maybe it’s that never ending feeling of guilt that your Great Depression survivor relatives have instilled in you since you were a kid. Maybe it’s just that you know what it’s like to go without. Whatever the reason, we hold on to things. I hold on to things until they are absolutely useless and then sometimes still a little while longer. Like my shoes. They sit have holes in them… Yet! Or my jeans… They have holes in them.. You know, stylish kind. But not the pre-torn bull, I earn all of the rips in my jeans!

So my phone was stolen last week. It was a very upsetting situation. Since I don’t have Internet or a landline at home, I pretty much do all of my correspondence via cell phone. So… Things were pretty silent for a few days, which was actually kinda nice.

I was upset, though. That cell had so many pictures, so many videos, and so many half written songs (and some finished ones!) that are now gone forever…

And yes, I usually back my files up on a computer, but I had been slacking on that for about a month 😦

Anyway, I was able to contact AT&T and they bumped up my upgrade date so that I can just upgrade to a new phone! Silver lining spotted! So now I have a fancy shmancy iPhone and I plan on doing fancy shmancy things with it 😀 and if my ol Blackberry hadn’t been stolen I wouldn’t have upgraded. At least not for a few months! 🙂

Yay for new things.

Speaking of new things, I’ve made a video for this new song, I’m in a new band, and I’m thinking of starting a new food blog!