I’ve never been “thin”. At least not by my own standards. I’m short, around 5’3 ish. As a kid most girls my heights were “petite”. So I always felt thicker. Perhaps I’m a taller person stuck in a shorter person’s body. Perhaps I’m just genetically predisposed to carry more weight.
“You’re not fat, you’re big boned.” Yes, my mother told me that before I heard it on Southpark. Really, there’s no such thing as “big boned”, but I do understand that we ladies come in all different shapes and sizes.
Sometimes I see women my height who are super thin but don’t look unhealthy, they just look… small. I wonder, am I supposed to look like that? If I was to try and look like that it would mean severe dieting and a hell of a lot of cardio. I think I’d have to lose muscle mass, too. …Meh, not sure I wanna do that.
I like my shape! I just, like all women, have parts of my body that I like more than others and dislike more than others. I could take a marker and circle the “problem areas” and I’d look.. Silly.. Like one of those meat diagram thingies.
Anyway, I often wonder.. What am I supposed to look like? What’s my “goal weight” supposed to be? In my head it has always been 10 lbs smaller than what I am. When I was 115 (*ahem when I was 15!*) I wanted to be 105. When I was 135 I wanted to be 125. I think I could probably get down to 125, but as mentioned before.. It’d take extreme dieting and lots of cardio.
And for those of you that may not know me, I am not an inactive person. I eat fairly healthy aside from my insatiable sweet tooth which I am constantly trying to curb..
I work out regularly, I eat healthy, and I live a healthy lifestyle. I’m a martial artist, and I’m strong. I will never be a ” petite” girl. I don’t want to get smaller. I just want my body to look.. how it’s supposed to look.. and feel how it’s supposed to feel.
And I want to stop worrying about it. Weight has always been a struggle for me. I’ve been through bouts of anorexia and have always had a foggy self image.. But I’m working hard to change that. I’m working had to accept that God made me the way I am and harming my body just to feel “skinny” is not the way to go.
Like I said, I like my shape. Today I like my shape. I can’t speak much for yesterday, but today I like it and I hope I like it tomorrow, too.