What am I supposed to look like?

I’ve never been “thin”. At least not by my own standards. I’m short, around 5’3 ish. As a kid most girls my heights were “petite”. So I always felt thicker. Perhaps I’m a taller person stuck in a shorter person’s body. Perhaps I’m just genetically predisposed to carry more weight.

“You’re not fat, you’re big boned.” Yes, my mother told me that before I heard it on Southpark. Really, there’s no such thing as “big boned”, but I do understand that we ladies come in all different shapes and sizes.

Sometimes I see women my height who are super thin but don’t look unhealthy, they just look… small. I wonder, am I supposed to look like that? If I was to try and look like that it would mean severe dieting and a hell of a lot of cardio. I think I’d have to lose muscle mass, too. …Meh, not sure I wanna do that.

I like my shape! I just, like all women, have parts of my body that I like more than others and dislike more than others. I could take a marker and circle the “problem areas” and I’d look.. Silly.. Like one of those meat diagram thingies.
Anyway, I often wonder.. What am I supposed to look like? What’s my “goal weight” supposed to be? In my head it has always been 10 lbs smaller than what I am. When I was 115 (*ahem when I was 15!*) I wanted to be 105. When I was 135 I wanted to be 125. I think I could probably get down to 125, but as mentioned before.. It’d take extreme dieting and lots of cardio.

And for those of you that may not know me, I am not an inactive person. I eat fairly healthy aside from my insatiable sweet tooth which I am constantly trying to curb..
I work out regularly, I eat healthy, and I live a healthy lifestyle. I’m a martial artist, and I’m strong. I will never be a ” petite” girl. I don’t want to get smaller. I just want my body to look.. how it’s supposed to look.. and feel how it’s supposed to feel.

And I want to stop worrying about it. Weight has always been a struggle for me. I’ve been through bouts of anorexia and have always had a foggy self image.. But I’m working hard to change that. I’m working had to accept that God made me the way I am and harming my body just to feel “skinny” is not the way to go.

Like I said, I like my shape. Today I like my shape. I can’t speak much for yesterday, but today I like it and I hope I like it tomorrow, too.

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2 thoughts on “What am I supposed to look like?

  1. Oh V, my favorite Vegan. You’re beautiful! You have curves, and curves are AWESOME and SEXY! Guys like curves; at least the smart ones do. Car manufacturers learned that a long time ago. I can’t believe I just compared you to a car. Hopefully you understand my point.

    I do kind of understand where you are coming from. As a guy on the shorter (a smidge under 5’8″) and scrawny side, it’s not always easy when I see these tall broad shouldered fellas walking around with their hot girlfriends. Not to mention the depiction of “the ideal man” in magazines and movies/tv shows. Is that what I’M supposed to look like? Not gonna happen – ever; especially the tall part. lol

    Keep doing what you are doing and don’t worry about what people say you are “supposed” to look like. Because you are supposed to look like YOU. And you do. All beautiful, smart, talented, sexy, driven, accomplished, funny, kind, curvy, kungfuing, veggie and fake meat eating 5’3″ of you. Peace. 🙂

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