Family

They are the people that will do things for you that no one else will. They’re the ones that love you, have loved you, and will love you no matter what. They look at you and see the child in your eyes. They see the best of you and the worst of you.

Not everyone has the kind of family that they can smile about… I’m really lucky to have mine. We’ve been through hell and back but there has never been a lack of love or acceptance, mostly because of my mom. That woman has enough love to mend the world. Really, maybe she’s storing it all up and that’s why everyone else is screwed! Share, Ma! Share! Lol Joking aside..

I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself for a moment because I have all these things that I wish I could do with Ethan that would be so much nicer if I had a husband.. You know, so we can do things “as a family”. Then I realized all of those things? I can do them with MY family. Those same people that I spent my time with as a child. We grew up fatherless, but we still had good times! We still went on vacations (thanks mom!), camping trips, went to movies, baked cookies and ate half the dough, licked the brownie batter bowl clean, and went to the park and the apple orchards..

Every time life has thrown some crazy loop in my way, my family has always been there to see me through it. Thank God for that.

So treasure your family. If you don’t have that close relationship? Maybe it’s time to work on that.. Maybe it’s not? But it’s worth a thought.

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What am I supposed to look like?

I’ve never been “thin”. At least not by my own standards. I’m short, around 5’3 ish. As a kid most girls my heights were “petite”. So I always felt thicker. Perhaps I’m a taller person stuck in a shorter person’s body. Perhaps I’m just genetically predisposed to carry more weight.

“You’re not fat, you’re big boned.” Yes, my mother told me that before I heard it on Southpark. Really, there’s no such thing as “big boned”, but I do understand that we ladies come in all different shapes and sizes.

Sometimes I see women my height who are super thin but don’t look unhealthy, they just look… small. I wonder, am I supposed to look like that? If I was to try and look like that it would mean severe dieting and a hell of a lot of cardio. I think I’d have to lose muscle mass, too. …Meh, not sure I wanna do that.

I like my shape! I just, like all women, have parts of my body that I like more than others and dislike more than others. I could take a marker and circle the “problem areas” and I’d look.. Silly.. Like one of those meat diagram thingies.
Anyway, I often wonder.. What am I supposed to look like? What’s my “goal weight” supposed to be? In my head it has always been 10 lbs smaller than what I am. When I was 115 (*ahem when I was 15!*) I wanted to be 105. When I was 135 I wanted to be 125. I think I could probably get down to 125, but as mentioned before.. It’d take extreme dieting and lots of cardio.

And for those of you that may not know me, I am not an inactive person. I eat fairly healthy aside from my insatiable sweet tooth which I am constantly trying to curb..
I work out regularly, I eat healthy, and I live a healthy lifestyle. I’m a martial artist, and I’m strong. I will never be a ” petite” girl. I don’t want to get smaller. I just want my body to look.. how it’s supposed to look.. and feel how it’s supposed to feel.

And I want to stop worrying about it. Weight has always been a struggle for me. I’ve been through bouts of anorexia and have always had a foggy self image.. But I’m working hard to change that. I’m working had to accept that God made me the way I am and harming my body just to feel “skinny” is not the way to go.

Like I said, I like my shape. Today I like my shape. I can’t speak much for yesterday, but today I like it and I hope I like it tomorrow, too.

Things to Do

Someone told me that Irish people don’t really like the phrase the “luck of the Irish” because it implies that they don’t work hard. I don’t know if that’s true (that person wasn’t Irish and I’ve never asked any of my Irish friends), but I can totally understand it. Luck? Luck? I used to believe in it. Now I think luck really has nothing to do with anything. I mean, sometimes I’ll say “you’re lucky” or “I feel lucky” or “Do ya feel lucky, punk? Do ya?” ….Okay I really don’t say that last one, but I probably should start because it’s so very serious.

Anyway the point is sometimes I’ll use the word “luck” for emphasis, but it’s just a fluff word really. Could you believe at one point in time I actually owned a rabbit foot? Yes. This vegan girl. Owned a rabbit foot. I thought it would bring me luck. Did it? No. Instead, it gave my dog great joy. I was about ten or eleven then. A chewed up rabbit foot is not quite as cute as a little fluffy thing on a keychain. It’s actually quite horrifying. No more rabbit feet for me. …But I didn’t mean to write about luck. I meant to write about work! WORK work work work work work work. And faith. And blessings. See, I’ve replaced my faith in luck with faith in blessings. It makes so much more sense. Some people aren’t just “lucky” while others are “unlucky”. No. We’re all lucky (in a fluffy way).

There are blessings out there for all of us. It’s all in where you focus. I used to feel like if I didn’t worry or focus on what needed to be done or what was lacking, I’d fall behind and I’d fail. Now I realize it’s the other way around. If I’m constantly focused on my shortcomings or what hasn’t been done and I don’t stop to appreciate what has been done and what I’ve accomplished… I’ll miss out on my blessings. It makes for a very unhappy Vita.

So.. make your “To Do” lists and check things off as you go, but don’t forget to stop and realize how “lucky” you are for the good things. If you’re having trouble figuring out the good things, start counting every good thing that happens. It’ll make you feel better. 🙂