I have to be honest.

I’m not feeling particularly awesome today, regardless of what the nametag on my desk says (it says “Hello, my name is Awesome!”).

I feel… Frumpy. Angsty. Tired. Like I’ve regressed to that 15 year old introvert that basically feels like she doesn’t fit in anywhere and never will.
I know, right?! Sooo emo!

How do I make it stop?

I wish I would wake up happy and stay happy every day! Every day, find something amazing and beautiful and inspiring that would allow me to relax and just bask in peace and wonderfulness.
But today? Well, it’s one of those “I don’t want to be here” days.

I’m sulky, dammit and I don’t want to be, so that makes me sulk more.

It’ll pass. I think I need a good hour of intense kung fu mixed with some really loud, ass kicking punk rock. Ohhh yes.

After giving a tiny bit of thought, my mood could be a result of the following variables:
1. Over-indulgence of some pretty amazing home-made chocolate chip cookies.
2. Reading animal rights debates and related articles.
3. Watching a documentary about the US Government's continued abuse of Native lands and discussing it with my son.
(Which he replied with, might I add: “……..but it’s WRONG. That land belongs to the Natives. It belongs to US, TOO because WE’RE Native.” God, I love that boy.)

Really. It all hurts my heart.


2 thoughts on “I have to be honest.

  1. Hoping your heart is feeling better today, but you’re right: there’s a method to your madness. It makes sense that you’d feel down after pondering those issues (and maybe even too much of a good thing, such as the choc. chip cookies)…Sometimes it’s hard to find a balance of emotions, considering all the things that are going on in the world that could have us depressed literally ALL THE TIME.

    Somehow God does it, though. He knows and sees EVERYTHING. And yet remains full of hope. But he gets angry at wrong doing, too…And then does something about it (Jesus overturning the money changer’s tables in the temple). So…I guess we can try to be like Him.

    But I am sorry you were down yesterday.

  2. Thanks for the kind words, Jess.
    Yeah, sometimes I let the weight of the world LEAAANNN on my shoulders and, while most of the time I try to push back and try and make the world a better place… sometimes it knocks me down and I don’t see the point in getting back up. But I do. In the end, I always do. I’m not one to lay on the ground for very long. There are way too many people out there that have gone through way worse than I have and have gotten through it and become amazing individuals because of it.

    So I think maybe God gave us all the ability to see the terrible things in the world and to ask Him for the help we need to change it.
    If you can take the knowledge of how bad a situation is and turn it into action then you’ve accomplished something amazing. As long as it’s positive action, of course!

    I am feeling better today, thank you 🙂

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