When I was a little kid and we’d go to the movies I always left the theater feeling like I was my favorite character. I suppose a lot of kids do that, but it stuck with me through not just movies but books, TV shows, and my favorite singers.
I was never quite satisfied with being just me.
Things haven’t changed much as an adult. While I don’t typically imagine myself as my favorite character any more, I do tend to sit inside my brain with a bag of popcorn and watch my life as though it were a Lifetime movie. I can spend hours in that theater. Just me and some butter free popcorn. And it’s the best popcorn, too, because it doesn’t get your fingers greasy or in my case, make your skin break out. And the theater isn’t too cold, but just cool enough to warrant a comfy throw blanket. I have a big gray one with a white skull and crossbones on it.
While I’m in this.. Theatre De Mon Esprit (I googled that, I don’t speak Francois)… I’m still functioning. At worst, I’m just going through my daily routine like a zombie and not talking to anyone. At best I’m going through my routine like an efficient robot. I even talk to people and eat! But sometimes I stay in the theater because its safer in there. Coming back out into the world just doesn’t sound appealing. I get into moods where I’d rather not participate with life and/or I’d rather not be me.
Then time will pass and usually someone will peek in or something from the film will invoke some sort of interest in joining the outside world and before you know it, I’m taking a breath of fresh air. Then I realize… It’s okay. I’m ready to be me now.