“I never was very good at accepting defeat,” I said today to a friend during a particularly sad conversation. The thought made me smile. It was true. It doesn’t mean I always win or make it out on top, but at least I don’t back down easily. There has to be something good about that, no?
Yesterday I got into a car accident. It was not my fault. I repeat. It was not my fault. But I do believe it was a true accident. I did not see her and she thought I did.
It was my first accident… ever. My first thought as the flash of red from the opposite car was “…oh no, this is not okay.” Then it was, “Oh no, I hope they’re okay.” And then it was, “Oh no she did not just get out and yell at ME!”
So we argued for maybe 10 seconds, then both went to make our calls.
I was surprisingly calm for the most part. It wasn’t until the police rolled away and the car was being hooked up to the tow that the tears started coming down. But only for a minute. I sucked it up, went through the obligatory motions, got my rental car, and headed home where I proceeded to pour myself a cup of coffee… At which point my body decided I’d “sucked it up” too much and I broke down and cried. It was a good therapeutic cry. So good the dog came over and rolled onto my lap. Being the 55lb mutt that she is, I suppose she felt rolling on me would be better than politely sitting and asking for attention.
I was instantly reminded of the many other times she was there to comfort me when noone else was, along with the times she was my guard against danger. At one point, and I won’t give too much detail, she had blocked me from harm while I cowered in a corner some 10 years ago. She had dutifully placed herself between me and harms way. That’s love, my friends. True love. And so here she was licking my face and acting a fool to make me stop crying about something she had absolutely no idea about.
…and here I was starting to think noone cared.
But today I am humbled. Because it seems whenever I really start to believe the lie that noone cares I start to see who really does.. And the texts of love and “how are you” messages remind me that I am not alone and everything will be okay.
Life is not so bad after all.