This is what Saturday looks like!

Saturday morning began like this….

CMAC Kids warming up for kung fu class.

Then, after a few hours of classes, I got to see a beautiful little girl enjoy her 2nd birthday party. This beautiful little girl also happens to be my best friend’s babygirl, Rowan. Isn’t she precious?

Rowan and her cute cake!

And here’s another, because you need more cuteness in your life.

Rowan loves Elmo!

THEN… If you thought Saturday was over? Oh no! You were wrong.
THEN I got to sing the national anthem HERE:

(Click the link for details on the school) MVJ Athletics Boxing Event

It was so fun to get up and sing in front of my martial arts family 🙂

Oh… but the fun isn’t over yet! After I stayed for the first match I headed on over to the Grand Opera House in Wilmington to see these fine musicians play a few wonderful tunes.

Gayle (Gable Music Ventures) with The Paper Janes

Well, Gayle didn’t play any music, I just thought this picture was cute.

But did you think Saturday was over? Because it’s not! By far!
Next, I got to hang out with some pretty rad folks (which happened to be the same people at the Grand, amazing how that works,right?)

Taking pictures of them taking pictures outside the Grand.

Well, Sarah wasn’t at the Grand, but I made sure she came out and spent some time with us!

L/R: Sarah Czechowski, Me, Jessica Latshaw.
Hanging out at Chelsea Tavern with Jeremy Hebbel, Gayle Dillman (Gable Music Ventures), Rod Kim, and Vince Cirino.

And…THAT… is what Saturday looks like. 🙂

OH, but before you go. Here’s a little diddy put forth by Em McKeever. Yep, she played the Grand that night as well.




Emails can be pretty fantastic when they want to be.

I do the majority of my communication via email (second only to texting). Why? Because it’s so much easier than trying to remember what you did or didn’t say or who you did or didn’t contact. So, of course this means I *receive* a lot of emails too. And let me just tell you.

The email I got this morning? KNOCKED my socks off!

I know, I know what you’re wondering.
1.) Was it from a guy?
2.) Was it personal?
3.) Was it life changing?
Alas, I can not share with the world just yet. I mean, I could, but I’m not ready yet.

I will just tell you that something awesome is going to happen and it’s all thanks to God for opening the right doors and giving me the courage to walk through them.

You’re probably thinking this is something way bigger than what it actually is. Well, I will just say that it’s the little things in life that I appreciate most. So to me.. This little thing is pretty friggin big.


Its something I never fully understood. I had been wronged so many times and starting at such a young age, forgiveness seemed like a pipe dream. And yet its something we, as a society, talk about constantly.

When two kids fight in a school yard, what do we do? We stop them, tell them it doesn’t matter who started it, then tell them to apologize. They pretend to accept it. But do they really?

What great story doesn’t have some sort of revenge or betrayal? Some even have redemption and forgiveness! But do we completely understand it? How many families are broken up because of it?

I think I blogged about this before, but whatever. 😀

So this morning I woke up in a peaceful mood. Last night we had the tea ceremony in our kung fu school and welcomed four new Si Hings and one new Si Jiehs into our school. Those are “older brothers” and “older sisters” in English although I’m sure we butchered the plural… Actually I don’t think there aren’t plural versions so it should be Si Hing and Si Jieh.


It was heartwarming. These individuals have been members of our school and our lives for years and they really are family… And now they are officially. This also makes them assistant instructors in our school.

So this morning I woke up happy. Then my doorbell rang and I brightened up even more. Ethan was home for the morning. And I had to talk to his dad.

Last week I had unexpectedly ran into one of the exes that my ex had gotten into a relationship with during our separation. This was about five years ago. She told me that she wanted to apologize for any grief she may have caused back then. I told her that I forgave her (and I really did! Forgiveness 1 – Condemnation 0 !) and found out through conversation that she had no place to go and was alone. I let her spend the night at my place, then took her to a friend’s in the morning. When I saw my ex next I told him about this and it brought up conversation about what happened when our marriage fell apart. I listened mostly and rolled my eyes here and there. See, we had talked about this stuff many many times. It ends with him saying he’s sorry and me thinking he’s not sincere. As I was listening to him, I realized that I still had not forgiven him.

And why should I? Who would? Most people would never. As romanticized as “forgive and forget” is, who really does it? I don’t think many do. I think many people hold on to their disappointments as a way of protecting themselves from getting hurt again. But forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to open yourself up to be hurt by them again. It means that you understand that we’re all messed up in one way or another. We’ve all hurt people voluntarily and involuntarily at some point. No one is perfect and neither of us is better than the other so neither of us can judge and condemn someone else for their mistakes, especially when they continuously apologize for them and you can tell that those mistakes are weighing heavily on them.

So I thought about it for a few days and when I saw him I told him. “I know you carry a lot of guilt for what happened back then… And I want you to know that I forgive you.”

It felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. A weight I didn’t realize was there. This forgiveness thing? Is pretty awesome.

famous people guitars are heavier.

This weekend was soo much fun!

First, Friday night I had the privilege of performing at the Homeless Children’s Backpack Drive in Wilmington, Delaware at the New Castle County Irish Society. The people there were really sweet. The first band, “Crosslinx Band”, which.. wasn’t actually supposed to be the first band… helped me with gear, soundchecking… and well, letting me switch the lineup because my drummer was stuck in traffic!

Speaking of which, aren’t their drummer and bass player ADORABLE?!

Not to mention my little brother came to volunteer, so it was a family affair. It felt nice to look out in the crowd and see my little bro and my little man in the crowd, clapping and smiling.

Saturday was just as nice, if not more. We headed over to Faith City around 8:45 to help Sanctus Real set up for their gig that night. It was pretty exciting. Sure, they’re not like uber famous like U2 or anything crazy like that, but they’re famous to me. So this is how we started our morning..

And while loading the instruments onto the stage I noticed how.. noticeably.. heavy one of the guitars was compared to my own. Hence the name of this blog. Why are famous people guitars heavier? I think it’s because they carry just a little bit more awesome. (Or maybe it’s just the different style of guitar and different style of case than my own, but that line of thought is no fun!).

Then I didn’t take any pictures for awhile because, well, I was busy. I met the very polite and charming Tyler, the merch guy, and helped set up the merch table–which is familiar territory, being the official merch girl for Phillybloco. I did have to pause and take this picture though.

My son hiding under the merch table while we try and set it.

Pretty soon we were finished and we were awarded with…

and a free t-shirt:

(It’s mirrored, obviously..)

We went and had some fun kung fu classes and stopped by our buddy Jimmy’s gallery. He did something amazing, letting the little street kids of the Philippines tell their own stories through pictures. If you want to see more, PLEASE do check out the project here!

seven0seven project

the seven0seven project

After that? We went back to Faith City for the actual concert. Here’s more pictures, I don’t feel like typing anymore. 🙂

Waiting for the doors to open, Ethan relaxes in the grass.

...and his friend Robyn jumps over him.

A really fuzzy terrible photo.

And the crowd enjoying the show 🙂

So there you have it.. A beautiful weekend with beautiful people and beautiful music… Ah, and I had a restful Sunday, FINALLY.

God is good.

okay im ready to be me now.

When I was a little kid and we’d go to the movies I always left the theater feeling like I was my favorite character. I suppose a lot of kids do that, but it stuck with me through not just movies but books, TV shows, and my favorite singers.

I was never quite satisfied with being just me.

Things haven’t changed much as an adult. While I don’t typically imagine myself as my favorite character any more, I do tend to sit inside my brain with a bag of popcorn and watch my life as though it were a Lifetime movie. I can spend hours in that theater. Just me and some butter free popcorn. And it’s the best popcorn, too, because it doesn’t get your fingers greasy or in my case, make your skin break out. And the theater isn’t too cold, but just cool enough to warrant a comfy throw blanket. I have a big gray one with a white skull and crossbones on it.

While I’m in this.. Theatre De Mon Esprit (I googled that, I don’t speak Francois)… I’m still functioning. At worst, I’m just going through my daily routine like a zombie and not talking to anyone. At best I’m going through my routine like an efficient robot. I even talk to people and eat! But sometimes I stay in the theater because its safer in there. Coming back out into the world just doesn’t sound appealing. I get into moods where I’d rather not participate with life and/or I’d rather not be me.

Then time will pass and usually someone will peek in or something from the film will invoke some sort of interest in joining the outside world and before you know it, I’m taking a breath of fresh air. Then I realize… It’s okay. I’m ready to be me now.

And this is my adorable cat hiding from the world from beneath that throw blanket..

And this is my adorable cat hiding from the world from beneath that throw blanket..

A few more random thoughts before bed.


Or Money?

I tend to lean toward time.

My desk needs flowers. Everything’s so dull and office-ey.

Sometimes thought’s about what could possibly happen are enough to make you want to crawl under your bed and hide from tomorrow.

I’ve never been really *lost* before.  Been misguided. But I’ve never had that feeling like “Oh my God where am I?” in the physical sense.  I’m quite thankful for that, I think it’d be very scary.

Thank God for GPS.

I’ve baked 5 batches of cookies in the last few hours.



Some things I dont want to be good at.

“I never was very good at accepting defeat,” I said today to a friend during a particularly sad conversation. The thought made me smile. It was true. It doesn’t mean I always win or make it out on top, but at least I don’t back down easily. There has to be something good about that, no?

Yesterday I got into a car accident. It was not my fault. I repeat. It was not my fault. But I do believe it was a true accident. I did not see her and she thought I did.

It was my first accident… ever. My first thought as the flash of red from the opposite car was “…oh no, this is not okay.” Then it was, “Oh no, I hope they’re okay.” And then it was, “Oh no she did not just get out and yell at ME!”

So we argued for maybe 10 seconds, then both went to make our calls.

I was surprisingly calm for the most part. It wasn’t until the police rolled away and the car was being hooked up to the tow that the tears started coming down. But only for a minute. I sucked it up, went through the obligatory motions, got my rental car, and headed home where I proceeded to pour myself a cup of coffee… At which point my body decided I’d “sucked it up” too much and I broke down and cried. It was a good therapeutic cry. So good the dog came over and rolled onto my lap. Being the 55lb mutt that she is, I suppose she felt rolling on me would be better than politely sitting and asking for attention.

I was instantly reminded of the many other times she was there to comfort me when noone else was, along with the times she was my guard against danger. At one point, and I won’t give too much detail, she had blocked me from harm while I cowered in a corner some 10 years ago. She had dutifully placed herself between me and harms way. That’s love, my friends. True love. And so here she was licking my face and acting a fool to make me stop crying about something she had absolutely no idea about.

…and here I was starting to think noone cared.

But today I am humbled. Because it seems whenever I really start to believe the lie that noone cares I start to see who really does.. And the texts of love and “how are you” messages remind me that I am not alone and everything will be okay.

Life is not so bad after all.