This morning I woke up with a smile. Why? Because I woke up to my alarm. This doesn’t happen very often, folks! I celebrated by sitting up, instead of rolling over, to say good morning to my cat who was sitting at my feet and to the dog who was on the floor looking at me expectantly (breakfast time?) from beside the old computer which I have taken apart and installed an old hard drive on.
See, my new old computer stopped working. It just stopped turning on. And I have been procrastinating for years about getting an external hard drive, so I have backed up NONE of my files. Thankfully I’m a pack rat and I have my two older computer towers sitting around waiting for the day that I would get around to collecting and storing the memories that their memories hold. So I’m in the process of backing up the new old hard drive, then I may as well back up the old old hard drive, then the older old hard drive.
Anyway, back to this morning…
What’s better about this morning? Well, my ex and I have joint custody but some days of the week I get to take my little man to school, so Ethan came home this morning and that always makes life a lot better.
We went on about our morning routine and I was feeling pretty thankful as I walked the dog outside (ten minutes earlier than usual might I add!) until some jerkface decided that the best way to avoid getting attacked by a dog would be to attack the dog first. I mean really! He was walking down the sidewalk, and my dog looked at him, so he walks by within reach and started hollering about how he’s going to break her nose if she attacks him. So what does she do? She snarls and barks at him (much like the way I wanted to. And I pulled her away from the psycho. I told him as he walked away that he probably wouldn’t get attacked if he didn’t yell at her (which isn’t what I really wanted to say or do as I envisioned myself letting her go and rip his arm off). You see, my dog is fear aggressive, so if you think scaring her will make her cower…. Think again. Don’t threaten strange dogs, kiddos!
So that kinda put a damper on my mood, but not for long. We said our prayers on the way to school and I sang happily on the way to work (ON TIME) and now I’m here… And my mind is taking twists and turns that they normally do.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t do anything with my life except what *needs* to be done. So much so that the years are slipping away and my dreams are getting farther and farther out of reach. Its times like this when I have to really take a deep breath and look back at what I have done.. What I do and how things will happen in God’s time, not my own.
Friday, I spent my evening with a beautiful little family. We talked, we baked a vegan rainbow cake, we watched Lion King 1.5.
Saturday, I taught martial arts from 9 to 1PM, had this beautiful baby’s birthday party from 1:30 to 3:30, took my little guy out for dinner at his favorite place, then we went to see The Lorax.
Sunday? Sunday was my name day (and Greek Independence Day) so I took the day off and decided to do nothing, which means I ended up cleaning my apartment, playing some music, and starting on this computer project.
Monday.. Work work work. Practice practice practice.
Tuesday… Work and quality time with another dear friend whom I haven’t seen in a few months.
And today after work I have church, choir practice, then I plan on doing laundry and hopefully making another video.
So… Wasting my life? I guess not. But sometimes I feel like if I didn’t have this job I’d have much more time to live…. Then I remember that if I didn’t have this job I wouldn’t have the means to live.
I have been through a rollercoaster of a childhood.
Have a child.
Been through several career choices.
Dropped out of school.
Sang on stage for thousands.
Sang in a room for 1 child.
Trained black sashes.
Won gold medals.
Earned the Sifu (master) title in kung fu.
Fell away from the church.
….and yet I feel sometimes I’ve accomplished nothing.
What day is it again?