I was going to blog about something entirely different that had a lot more meaning yesterday, but… the moment has passed.
Last night I had a dream about my would-have-been-ex. I call him my would-have-been-ex because we never made it to the point of actually being in a relationship. If we had, he would have been my ex. He was one of those guys I dated that “wasn’t ready for a relationship.” Which was sad, because I really liked him. I really did. But I don’t like being strung along either. I want a real relationship with someone who is emotionally ready to share a life with me. So sue me!
Anyway, last year I pretty much told him I never wanted to speak to him again (after this on and off rollercoaster that lasted a year) but I wished him well and told him I hope his life improves and he finds happiness. Sincerely.
He tried to contact me again in October, but I ignored him. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be anyone’s “maybe” anymore. I’d like to be with a guy who actually knows what he wants, is that so bad?
So in my dream he ended up working with me. I pretended not to know him and did a pretty good job of ignoring him until he started a conversation. Try as I might, it’s difficult for me to be rude. So I asked him how everything was.. And to my surprise he told me everything was great. He was engaged, working on a production crew with his fiancé, his family was healthy, and he had found Jesus.
I was happy and sad at the same time. My prayers had been answered. You see, to help myself let go of this guy, whenever I would feel bad about our lack of relationship, I would pray for him. I’d pray that he would find a nice girl to settle down with, build a relationship with Jesus, chase his dreams, and find happiness. My prayers were answered (in my dream) and I was happy for that, but sad that none of those things involved me.
I woke up with the question in my head, “….When will it be my turn, Lord?”
…and an internal battle over whether or not I should contact this guy and see how he was doing. That would only end badly for me, so I didn’t. I won’t. I have better things to do. Healthier things.
For us? I believe that moment has passed.