The moment’s passed.

I was going to blog about something entirely different that had a lot more meaning yesterday, but… the moment has passed.

Last night I had a dream about my would-have-been-ex. I call him my would-have-been-ex because we never made it to the point of actually being in a relationship. If we had, he would have been my ex. He was one of those guys I dated that “wasn’t ready for a relationship.” Which was sad, because I really liked him. I really did. But I don’t like being strung along either. I want a real relationship with someone who is emotionally ready to share a life with me. So sue me!

Anyway, last year I pretty much told him I never wanted to speak to him again (after this on and off rollercoaster that lasted a year) but I wished him well and told him I hope his life improves and he finds happiness. Sincerely.

He tried to contact me again in October, but I ignored him. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be anyone’s “maybe” anymore. I’d like to be with a guy who actually knows what he wants, is that so bad?

So in my dream he ended up working with me. I pretended not to know him and did a pretty good job of ignoring him until he started a conversation. Try as I might, it’s difficult for me to be rude. So I asked him how everything was.. And to my surprise he told me everything was great. He was engaged, working on a production crew with his fiancé, his family was healthy, and he had found Jesus.

I was happy and sad at the same time. My prayers had been answered. You see, to help myself let go of this guy, whenever I would feel bad about our lack of relationship, I would pray for him. I’d pray that he would find a nice girl to settle down with, build a relationship with Jesus, chase his dreams, and find happiness. My prayers were answered (in my dream) and I was happy for that, but sad that none of those things involved me.

I woke up with the question in my head, “….When will it be my turn, Lord?”

…and an internal battle over whether or not I should contact this guy and see how he was doing. That would only end badly for me, so I didn’t. I won’t. I have better things to do. Healthier things.

For us? I believe that moment has passed.

4 thoughts on “The moment’s passed.

  1. When will it be my turn, Lord? So many times I’ve asked myself this. You’re right, contacting him would only be bad. Some things are better left in the past. And remember, it was just a dream. You do seem to be plagued by weird dreams, though. At least your eyes weren’t bleeding tears in this one.

    I’m sure when you least expect it you’ll find the right guy for you. He’ll be a tall, good looking, irish, vegan, Jesus freak. 🙂

  2. “I want a real relationship with someone who is emotionally ready to share a life with me. So sue me!”

    Um…anyone who would sue you for wanting THAT is bat-sh*t crazy!

    Someone recently told me that the good I seek is also seeking me. Keep putting your heart and your beautiful dreams out there–cast your net, my friend–it’ll come back full with good things. Great things. Better than we can ask or imagine, is what the Bible says.

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