the brandywine

Wilmington may not be the picture perfect place to grow up, but The Brandywine River sure holds some of my most cherished childhood memories. From playing in it when we weren’t supposed to as kids, to walking along it as teenagers, and taking photos with my son as an adult… I love it and it’s parks.

Today I took my dog for x-rays. When I picked her up they told me that she has hip dysplasia and arthritis in her back. She’s twelve years old. All these recent vet visits kinda bum me out… thinking about how old she is and how dog’s really should have longer lives. I mean, I can’t imagine a life without her. I know it’s going to happen.. eventually, but I don’t want it to.

So… we just have to make sure Puppy (that’s her name) stays comfortable and happy until that terrible day comes…

I picked her up from the vet and we went to the pet store and picked up a bag of fancy dog treats and headed for the park. As we were walking I reflected on the years I’ve spent with this dog. She’s been with me through so much. Different homes, different relationships, times without homes, life changing situations, etc. We walked and we listened to the birds and the wind in the trees. We walked and I threw treats into the grass for her to find them. I took pictures of her when she sat still long enough for me to do so. I wrote some poetry and we walked through a garden. She wanted to chase birds reaaally badly, but I’m pretty sure her hips wouldn’t be happy after that, so she remained on leash.

Me and her, we’ve been through a lot together. Here’s to many more years…

what day is it again?

This morning I woke up with a smile. Why? Because I woke up to my alarm. This doesn’t happen very often, folks! I celebrated by sitting up, instead of rolling over, to say good morning to my cat who was sitting at my feet and to the dog who was on the floor looking at me expectantly (breakfast time?) from beside the old computer which I have taken apart and installed an old hard drive on.

See, my new old computer stopped working. It just stopped turning on. And I have been procrastinating for years about getting an external hard drive, so I have backed up NONE of my files. Thankfully I’m a pack rat and I have my two older computer towers sitting around waiting for the day that I would get around to collecting and storing the memories that their memories hold. So I’m in the process of backing up the new old hard drive, then I may as well back up the old old hard drive, then the older old hard drive.

Anyway, back to this morning…

What’s better about this morning? Well, my ex and I have joint custody but some days of the week I get to take my little man to school, so Ethan came home this morning and that always makes life a lot better.

We went on about our morning routine and I was feeling pretty thankful as I walked the dog outside (ten minutes earlier than usual might I add!) until some jerkface decided that the best way to avoid getting attacked by a dog would be to attack the dog first. I mean really! He was walking down the sidewalk, and my dog looked at him, so he walks by within reach and started hollering about how he’s going to break her nose if she attacks him. So what does she do? She snarls and barks at him (much like the way I wanted to. And I pulled her away from the psycho. I told him as he walked away that he probably wouldn’t get attacked if he didn’t yell at her (which isn’t what I really wanted to say or do as I envisioned myself letting her go and rip his arm off). You see, my dog is fear aggressive, so if you think scaring her will make her cower…. Think again. Don’t threaten strange dogs, kiddos!

So that kinda put a damper on my mood, but not for long. We said our prayers on the way to school and I sang happily on the way to work (ON TIME) and now I’m here… And my mind is taking twists and turns that they normally do.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t do anything with my life except what *needs* to be done. So much so that the years are slipping away and my dreams are getting farther and farther out of reach. Its times like this when I have to really take a deep breath and look back at what I have done.. What I do and how things will happen in God’s time, not my own.

For example.
Friday, I spent my evening with a beautiful little family. We talked, we baked a vegan rainbow cake, we watched Lion King 1.5.

Saturday, I taught martial arts from 9 to 1PM, had this beautiful baby’s birthday party from 1:30 to 3:30, took my little guy out for dinner at his favorite place, then we went to see The Lorax.

Sunday? Sunday was my name day (and Greek Independence Day) so I took the day off and decided to do nothing, which means I ended up cleaning my apartment, playing some music, and starting on this computer project.

Monday.. Work work work. Practice practice practice.
Tuesday… Work and quality time with another dear friend whom I haven’t seen in a few months.
And today after work I have church, choir practice, then I plan on doing laundry and hopefully making another video.

So… Wasting my life? I guess not. But sometimes I feel like if I didn’t have this job I’d have much more time to live…. Then I remember that if I didn’t have this job I wouldn’t have the means to live.

I’m 29.
I have been through a rollercoaster of a childhood.
Been married.
Been divorced.
Have a child.
Been through several career choices.
Dropped out of school.
Graduated college.
Sang on stage for thousands.
Sang in a room for 1 child.
Trained black sashes.
Won gold medals.
Earned the Sifu (master) title in kung fu.
Fell away from the church.
Found Jesus.

….and yet I feel sometimes I’ve accomplished nothing.

What day is it again?

My Friend

So I’m a low-tech kinda girl.

….in that I don’t see it in my budget anytime soon to buy a Mac or a new camera.. or at least an iphone. I have a Blackberry. It’s pretty okay. Just not as fun as the iPhone.

Anyway, people have been telling me to get on youtube and I have some videos up at youtube.com/evitarox but that page kind of became a miscellaneous page for random videos so I made youtube.com/evangelinasmusic to be strictly music videos or vlogs.

Anyway, here’s a very bad quality video. Enjoy 🙂

The moment’s passed.

I was going to blog about something entirely different that had a lot more meaning yesterday, but… the moment has passed.

Last night I had a dream about my would-have-been-ex. I call him my would-have-been-ex because we never made it to the point of actually being in a relationship. If we had, he would have been my ex. He was one of those guys I dated that “wasn’t ready for a relationship.” Which was sad, because I really liked him. I really did. But I don’t like being strung along either. I want a real relationship with someone who is emotionally ready to share a life with me. So sue me!

Anyway, last year I pretty much told him I never wanted to speak to him again (after this on and off rollercoaster that lasted a year) but I wished him well and told him I hope his life improves and he finds happiness. Sincerely.

He tried to contact me again in October, but I ignored him. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be anyone’s “maybe” anymore. I’d like to be with a guy who actually knows what he wants, is that so bad?

So in my dream he ended up working with me. I pretended not to know him and did a pretty good job of ignoring him until he started a conversation. Try as I might, it’s difficult for me to be rude. So I asked him how everything was.. And to my surprise he told me everything was great. He was engaged, working on a production crew with his fiancé, his family was healthy, and he had found Jesus.

I was happy and sad at the same time. My prayers had been answered. You see, to help myself let go of this guy, whenever I would feel bad about our lack of relationship, I would pray for him. I’d pray that he would find a nice girl to settle down with, build a relationship with Jesus, chase his dreams, and find happiness. My prayers were answered (in my dream) and I was happy for that, but sad that none of those things involved me.

I woke up with the question in my head, “….When will it be my turn, Lord?”

…and an internal battle over whether or not I should contact this guy and see how he was doing. That would only end badly for me, so I didn’t. I won’t. I have better things to do. Healthier things.

For us? I believe that moment has passed.

Home sweet home.

Too tired to write anything. Back to reality :O

I gave Ethan his autographed poster… I think he likes it 🙂
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He also loves his new hat. I made sure to get him one that was all black “no stripes” just like he asked!

And a cupcake for good measure.

goodnight, moon.

In Contrast.

Warning: Explicit Lyrics

Ever heard the term “Mass-hole”?  I have. People tell me about how rude people are in Massachusetts.  I think… maybe they’ve just never been to Philly (or worse, Wilmington!).  Not to diss my hometown, but there are some rude ass motherfuckers (sorry kids!).  When I tell them I’ve always had good experiences they say it’s because I’m a girl.

So here’s some compare and contrast based on just a few random experiences from this week:

House of Blues:

We walked in the wrong way. The gentleman kindly pointed us toward the line we needed to be in.
We were greeted by the first guy who checked our IDs who explained to us that we had floor tickets so had to enter the other way and thanked us.

Compared to Philly:
“FLOOR TICKETS THAT WAY ONLY.” <-said in an irritated voice.

Boston: We get past the ID checker and to the ticket guy and he smiles brightly and tells us to enjoy the show.

Philly: -silently checks ticket, hands back and points through-

Boston: Coat check lady tells me that I can leave my scarf with my coat, no charge. Smiling all the while and joking that the “per item” is more for the kids who try to sneak in multiple coats and bags under one $5 charge. She tells me how long she’s been doing this and hopes I have a great time at the show.

Philly: $5 each item. $5 coat. $5 scarf. And you better tip too or I’m giving you the stink eye.

——and later.

While driving out of a gas station, we were stuck as the traffic went by on both sides.  In Philly, we’d have to fight to get onto the road.  Basically cut someone off.  In MA? Two cars stopped on either side just to let us go. Amazing.

Last night, we were about to cross a busy street on foot.  Some guy was cruising down the way and came to a complete stop to let us pass.  In Philly? We’d have to wait for a light.  Pedestrian’s have the right of way, but you better get your ass across the street or you might get your butt tapped by a fender.

Walked into an Irish pub last night and was greeted by the locals who then helped me find a place to hang my coat.  In Philly? You’d most likely be ignored at first or given a “who the fuck is that” dirty look.

 

Maybe it is just because I’m a girl.  Maybe it’s because I’m a stranger.  But It’s been like this every time I visit Boston (1-2x a year for the last 6 years) and I love it.  ALSO, I do say this out of love for Philly.  As rude and crude as it can get, I do love Philly and there are nice people there, too.  Wilmington? I love Wilmington because it’s my hometown.  It’s definitely not my favorite city, though. Sorry, folks.

 

Peace ouuuut.

Evangelina’s Tips for Getting Through the Mosh Pit

People always ask me how I get to the front of the crowd, or how to get on stage, etc.  Figured I’d give a few tips.

These tips are for the kind of pit where everyone’s packed in like sardines.  If it’s a thrashing pit, you just gotta go in swinging and running. Follow the circle (or whatever formation) and keep your guard up against swinging fists.  Don’t go out to punch other people — THAT’S A DOUCHEBAG MOVE.  Just go out to thrash around and let off some steam.  That makes it great fun 🙂 The best punk crowds are the ones where there is camaraderie in the pit.  

  1. Don’t be afraid to get hit.
    It’s a mosh pit. ’nuff ‘ced.
  2. Keep your elbows out.
    Not to poke or elbow other people, but to keep your own space.  Once your elbows come in, the crowd comes too.
  3. Move with the crowd.
    This should be obvious.  If you go against the crowd you’re probably not even going to get into the pit at all. When they move forward, you move forward.  When they move back… you move back.. unless you see an opening, in which case you can secure yourself a spot closer to the stage.
  4. Don’t try to split up groups.
    If they’re like me and my friends, we link arms.  Not to be assholes, but just to stay together.  Just slip in front of them instead, or go around.
  5. The shorter you are, the easier it is to get in front of others. Sorry tall peeps!
    Most taller folks won’t mind if you’re in front of them because a.) Your head wont’ be in front of their face, and b.) they can breathe.
  6. Be polite.
    A lot of times if I want to get in front of someone I just say “Hey, do you mind if I stand here?” and 9/10 they say yes.  Men and women. As long as you’re polite. We’re all here to enjoy the show.
  7. If you see an opening, take it. Don’t hesitate.
    That spot won’t be open long!
  8. Best way to get out of the middle is UP.
    I was in the middle of the pit and didn’t want to fight to get out, so I politely asked the big strong men next to me using non-verbal queues if he would help. I pointed to him, pointed to myself, and pointed up. He smiled big, nodded, and with a jump he hoisted me into the air and I was passed forward by many many hands.  Waved a hello to the band and was on my way to the side of the stage.
  9. To get a good view:
    Don’t be an ass.  Everyone wants to see.  Shortest to tallest works best. Be patient, if you see a spot you want but someone else is standing there… get behind them and wait.  Eventually they will either a.) get annoyed with the crowd behind them and leave. b.) need a beer. c.) have to pee….of course that only works if you don’t have to do either of those… but I’m a patient person.
  10. Start off the show telling yourself you will not get irritated and we’re all there to have a good time.
    If you start off with a “fuck this” attitude, you’ll probably be too preoccupied with douchebags (as there are many of them) to enjoy the show. 

Hope that helps!

Image

Mosh pit at Dropkick Murphys St. Patty’s show 3/14/12.

 

Oh, some additional tips. 

To keep your ground:  Stand with one leg slightly behind the other. The crowd behind you will push but if you keep your knees bent and sway back and forth you won’t fall and you’ll have a good position. 
If you’re up against the gate in the front, use your arms to give yourself some room between you and the gate. Don’t press your chest against it because if it’s a packed crowd and a rowdy group you will get squished. 
Ladies, wear your hair in a low ponytail or braid. Much more comfy and less poking the people behind you.
Make friends with the security guards. They’ll help you if they like you.

I think out of all the tips, being nice to everyone around you really is the best one.